» ''4 Ways To Keep Social Media From Ruining Your Relationship'' «

“SOCIAL MEDIA HAS RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP!”
That’s the cry of many people today! But my response is
this: social media didn’t ruin your relationship he, she, or
BOTH of you may have played a part in the ruining of your
relationship.
Let’s back up and come to an agreement: social media is
here and it probably isn’t going anywhere. So, we have to
address this issue head on. It is definitely possible for your
relationship and (insert social media type here!) to happily
co-exist. Here are 4 ways to keep social media from
ruining your relationship:
1) Stop Being “Single” Online but “In a Relationship” in
Real Life:
Let’s be honest. For many people, social media is another
form of online dating. With that said, people need to know
very clearly that you are involved with someone. I get the
whole argument, “people don’t need to be in my business.”
But, guess what? You made it peoples’ business when you
decided to get that account and create a username.
People might not need to know the ins and outs of your
relationship. But they should at LEAST know you are
married or in a relationship so that the lines don’t get
blurred or any false messages are sent out. I can’t tell you
the amount of times I hear people complain, “ I didn’t know
they were married until it was too late.” (“Too late” usually
means feelings have developed).
Social Media and Relationships
It’s your job, as a mate, to make sure it is clear to others
that you aren’t open to anyone else and you are spoken
for.
Being transparent will hopefully hold people to a higher
standard of how they decide to communicate with you.
This won’t stop everyone from pursuing you, but you have
to care enough about your mate and your relationship to
stop certain behavior before it starts. People may message
you privately to get a feel for your willingness to be “more
than friends” with them. But, this needs to be nipped in the
bud by you, and it needs to happen immediately!
2) Don’t Believe Your Own Hype
You know, sometimes social media is a platform for people
to subliminally tell you everything you want to hear.
Between “likes,” “winks,” “pokes” and private messages,
people will woo you all day and, naturally, you’ll start to
like it. Suddenly, you may find yourself flattered because
your Facebook “friends” may be showing you the attention
that your partner hasn’t been showing you. It’s at this
point that you must CHECK yourself!
Social Media and Relationships
This means it’s time to start communicating your needs to
your partner instead of falling into the Facebook trap of
that ex from back in the day, or that person you always
had a crush on in college. You can’t glorify an Internet
relationship over your “real-life” relationship and you can’t
hold them to the same standard. So often, I see how the
“harmless flirting” online turns into lunch in-person, and
then into an affair that leads to a divorce or a break-up.
The person online has probably pulled the same trick with
their other 100 friends or followers. So, get back into
communicating with your mate.
3) Stop It with the Sneaky Stuff
I’m not saying that your mate needs to know all of your
passwords to everything. But, I am saying it will look very
suspicious and make them very uncomfortable if you are
uncomfortable with them seeing your pages or
interactions. If you are uneasy every time they come
around or if you close out of your pages when your mate
enters the room or takes a look over your shoulder, then
something isn’t right. If you are sweating bullets because
you left your page up and your spouse is the next person
on the computer, then you will look GUILTY!
Social Media and Relationships
When you are able to be completely open, your mate will
feel more comfortable about you and your relationship with
social media. This is not to say they don’t trust you, but it
is to say that everyone has some level of curiosity and
hiding things only makes for unnecessary tension and
concern. Additionally, when you are open, you think twice
about the things, whether innocent or not, that could be
misinterpreted or seen as disrespectful. It makes you
more cognizant and also you gain a level of peace in your
relationship.
4) You Must Have Some Limitations
I’ll admit it. I’ve been guilty at times of being so engulfed
in social media for my business that I forget that my wife,
at home, needs the same kind of attention. Social media
is so accessible we don’t realize the amount of time we
spend on it. Furthermore, we don’t see how much it
bothers our mates to have to compete with it.
Social Media and Relationships
Place some limitations on yourself. For instance, after a
certain time, you unplug. No electronics during dinner or
during dates. Whatever you have to do, try to do it so your
mate knows he or she is most important to you in the
time you all spend together instead of the online friends we
spend so much time keeping up with. It may take some
self-reflection and some strategic planning (especially if
you use it for business), but it will be worth it for you and
your relationship.
Remember, your mate wants nothing more than to be able
to trust you 100%, even beyond the screens of social
media and the Internet. Remember that when those cyber
friends are gone, your mate is the one who is actually
going to be there in person, where it matters most. Don’t
allow social media to ruin your relationship.