» "I Lost My Man Because I Slept With So Many Men" «

I’m in deep poo over relationships. I’m a 35-year-old
woman and met a very handsome 43-year-old man. We’ve
been dating for five months now and still haven’t slept
together. My problem is that in the beginning of our
relationship, he asked me how many men I’ve slept with
and worried about how he would react, I lied and told him
I’d slept with seven men. But after a few months, I could
not live with the lie and finally decided to tell him the
reason why I still haven’t slept with him yet. I told him I
didn’t want to make love because I was scared that he’d
lose respect and eventually leave me like all the other
men. At this point he asked me again, just how many men
were there, to which I replied forty-three. His reply was,
“Hmm, one for each of my birthday.” And from that day on,
I never heard from him again. I don’t get it , why is it that
when men sleep around, they’re studs , yet when women
sleep around, they’re sluts ? Why can’t women have their
fun too?
Dudu, Abuja
Dear Dudu, I’ve spoken with quite a number of women
asking the same question. I don’t want to pass judgment
on women, nor am I saying that women shouldn’t enjoy
themselves sexually. But men and women are never the
same.
You expressed fear about losing respect and the way I feel
as a woman is that women should be worshiped by their
men. An object that has value is worshiped, respected,
cherished, and shared with very few deserving people. As
soon as you start sharing that object with anyone and
without care, the object starts to lose value. The more
people use the object, the more it depreciates and the less
bargaining power it has: this is a plain psychological fact
of life.
Most women don’t realize the importance men place on a
woman’s promiscuity. Women think that because men
don’t care about how many women they’ve slept with, they
won’t care about how many men their woman has slept
with. But the reality is that most men, those looking for a
serious relationship and not a one-night stand do place
great value on a woman’s sexual restraint.
There was a time when many women cherished their
bodies much like a sacred temple where only a noble man,
one who respected and loved her, had access to her body.
But over time, it seems that women have failed to realize
the important role their sexuality plays in finding a long-
term mate.
Thanks to the women’s movement, women are so busy
trying to compete with men, including in the sex
department, that they fail to realize the consequences of
their actions. Today, it seems that women are the ones
who are collecting notches on their Prada belts by giving
their bodies away too easily. But if women themselves
don’t value their bodies like they used to, why should men?
Some women will argue that if men have the right to sleep
around, so should women. But I ask only one question: If
women adamantly believe this, then why is it that when
faced with the question of how many men have they slept
with, most women who have slept around with truckloads
of men always lie? Some women will rationalize that they
must do so because men can’t handle the truth. But if this
is the case, why don’t women let men decide for
themselves if they can or can’t handle it? Why do women
need to lie to protect men’s egos? I think women lie to
protect themselves rather than men because if it’s not
shame or regret that’s making you hold your tongue, then
the potentially dire consequences of the truth surely are.
The power lies with women…